


Overdue Expiration

by QwertyTop



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alive Carla Yeager, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Horror, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Amputation, Angst and Humor, Anxiety, Character Death, Comfort, Depression, Disturbing Themes, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eren Is a Little Shit, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager Friendship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Stop reading these tags, Suicidal Thoughts, Survival, Suspense, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Thriller, Violence, ereri, riren - Freeform, some fluff - eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-11-23 12:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QwertyTop/pseuds/QwertyTop
Summary: The undead is plaguing the world, just like all those novels and video games people indulged in. The only difference is that it's real, and you don't have any chance in Hell that you'll survive it. Exchanging insults and half-assed promises, Hanji and Levi embark on their destination to the Undefined, that is until they run into a rambunctious group that halts their expedition. With burdening secrets and unfortunate pasts, they try to find meaning in this world now that nothing is left. In such a hopeless world full of broken people, can love even be found anymore?





	1. Shitty Beginnings With a Bit of Sass

There are 8 things you need to know during a zombie apocalypse. One, organize before they rise. Once word gets out, don’t falter, it only gives them more time to prepare your demise. Two, they don’t feel fear, so why should you? Three, use your head and cut off theirs. Four, blades don’t need to be reloaded, and they don’t attract others with their noise. Five, keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert. Six, the zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on. Seven, being a hero only gets you killed. And lastly, eight. Trust no one. 

Those are the ways in which Levi lived by. No ifs, ands, nor buts about it. Having exceptions made you soft. Having friends was too faulty. Having expectations were full of lies. The only way to survive was by yourself, you could only trust you. 

There were no explanations as to how this problem arose. You could say it took the world by surprise. More than half of the population was slaughtered in mere weeks, not counting the handfuls of people who committed suicide. Mothers and fathers abandoned their children no matter how young they were. Sisters and brothers killed without hesitation, the old were left to rot and die alone. The given moment when terror strikes your morals are thrown out the window. Friends were anchors. Children were useless. The elderly didn’t matter. 

The sickly stench of the undead drove people mad. Their moans and groans constantly echoed through people's’ heads; a reminder that they are going to join them one day. A reminder that nobody was safe anymore.

It was kill or be killed in this world, there was no changing that fact. 

Rain surged from the sky, footsteps squelching under the now sopping mud. At first, he admitted it was hard walking all day. You can’t afford to stop and have breaks. The world didn’t stop for you to merely catch your breath. His muscles ached from constantly moving and carrying a backpack that weighed a ton. He gradually got used to it, the labor clearly showing off. 

People had always dreamed about having a zombie apocalypse. Now you have it. They were so excited to partake in an event such as this, but wait. No unlimited ammo? No infinite lives? They shat their pants and ran off. Pathetic wastes of human filth. Humanity was utterly stupid, before the outbreak and even more or so after. Being stupid got you killed. Being stupid showed others you are vulnerable. 

 

You couldn't live without scars, no doubts, no tears. The sweet sunlight would bathe you in a false sense of hope. People would accept Mother Nature’s antics without hesitation, saying a higher being had a plan. Had they planned for you, your loved ones, or the people around you to have a merciless death? Had they planned for the world to go to shit? After everything that’s happened, do you still even believe in them now?

His thoughts ceased when a low groan sounded a few feet away. Levi shivered, craning his neck to look at the sun-ridden sky. Dark ash. With a swift motion, he grabbed his weapon that was poking out of his backpack and firmly gripped it, the blade now soaking in fresh blood. How disgusting. 

Stepping over the corpse, he kept walking. Walking to nowhere. There was no point in life anymore. All you did was walk, gather food, kill, then keep walking. And all for what, surviving? How good is surviving when there are no benefits? Everywhere you looked there was a problem with no solution. There was no good in this world, nothing to look forward to after your day. 

He sighed, feeling dejected by his own thoughts. Being alone with your mind was an invitation for depression and inflicting disheartening thoughts and actions upon yourself. 

“What am I going to do..” He mumbled to himself, not expecting to get a response.

“Aww, don’t be such a downer, Douche Baguette!” a voice sounded from his right. 

Great, just what he needed. Deciding not to reply, he was greeted with yet another insult.

“Alright, you damn sourpuss. What’s got your panties in a knot?” 

“Who told you I’m wearing a thong?” He snarkily replied, readjusting his backpack. Maybe if he just gave into the insults, she’d leave him alone.

“Well, ya apparently got something up your ass with that attitude.”

“Well, you’re about to surely have something stuck up yours if you keep this up.” 

“Alright, alright, Levi. I get it. I understand, wholeheartedly!”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yep - you need to get fucked. In the ass. Specifically.”

He regretted ever opening his mouth. If he just told her no before, he wouldn’t have to deal with this shit now. There was no way he could get rid of Hanji, she was a fucking parasite sucking away his life force even more or so than the zombies themselves. He could admit, while she did have her pros, the cons just outweighed them to where they didn’t even matter. After a few wonderful moments of quietness, the bastard opened her mouth again to state the obvious.

“You know, It’s kind of getting late.” She started, gaze drifting to the pouring sky.

“How can you tell?” He grunted, boot sinking into the mud. He picked up his pace, tearing his shoe from the greedy soil. He cringed at the noise.

“Gut feeling,” Hanji smirked, noticing his misfortune.

“Well, last time your gut almost got us killed,” Levi added, trying not to reminisce on that fact. 

“Yeah. It can do that.” She shrugged.

Silence ensued. After half an hour of walking, they spotted a lone shack in the distance. After gripping their weapons, raiding the shithole, and double checking to see if there were any zombies, they deemed it worthy of being their stop for the night. After exchanging goodnights, Levi took the first shift of keeping watch. Yet another moment where he was left alone with his thoughts.

This wouldn’t be good.

He didn’t know how much longer he could go on, or even if he wanted to at this point.

He was sinking further into hell, but all the desires to get out faded away.

Maybe It’d be better if he faded away, too. 

..........

“I’m fucking tired.”

“Oh, join the club you special snowflake - can’t you see we are all struggling?” The man huffed, wiping away the grime and rainwater from his forehead. Branches loomed above them, threatening to hit them in the face if they weren't paying attention. The brash cold of autumn’s winds seeped into their clothes, licking at their skin in hopes of making them shiver. The harsh rain worked with the wind, and together they made it more difficult to keep trudging along to their undefined destination. At times like these - times of hopelessness and outright exhaustion, Eren wanted to cry. He just wanted to fall to the ground and let everything out. He felt like he'd feel better afterward, image be damned! He could care less about how people perceived him. He didn't care if he looked strong to others anymore. He wanted this to be over. He yearned for normalcy. He yearned for warmth and contentment. But most of all, he missed his family - their sweet promises were now disdainfully dripping down the drain.

“You know, he’s kind of speaking for all of us, Eren. I’m getting exhausted too.”

“What do you want me to do about it, Armin?” He snapped, previous thoughts getting the better of him. Complaining about being tired when there were no rest stops in sight pissed him off, why waste the rest of energy you did have bickering about something that can’t be fixed at the moment? Eren looked up, finally able to see some stars in the sky as they shined sinisterly; unaffected by the epidemic. He sighed, he’d never understood Jean - all he ever did was whine and eat their food rations. But all in all, he wouldn't know what to do without him - his constant huffing invaded the silence and put everyone at ease, no matter how annoying he could be. 

“Be considerate, Eren. You can’t pilot your troop when they aren’t content,” Mikasa informed with her monotone voice, stepping over a murky rain puddle.

“Who agreed he was the leader? I wasn’t informed of this secret meeting!” Jean raised his voice, complaining yet again. Was this becoming a personality trait?

“I will personally feed you to them If you don’t stop complaining!” Eren harshly whispered, the air going still around the group.

“At least I’ll get eaten out before I die, unlike you.” Jean retorted, not noticing the deathly silent aura that was beginning to embrace the four.

With a rough hit to the head, Eren and Jean scowled in pain. 

“Quiet,” Mikasa ordered. With bated breaths and sharp glances from every direction, they sensed something.

Footsteps.

Groaning.

Snapping twigs.

“Company.” Eren swallowed, the lantern on his back flickering with anticipation. The light shone to the trees and bushes, its orange glow illuminating every crevice those objects possessed. With dropped stomachs and clammy hands, they made out a limping figure in the distance.

“How many more of these bastards are we going to see today? I swear, we've run into like 6 this past hour.” Jean growled, annoyed by the fact that the undead wasn’t letting up.

“With the amount of stupid people this world can hold, we won't be running out of zombies to kill for a while, believe me.” Eren shifted, his sweating hands losing the hold of his blade. Sure, it has been almost a year since the first outbreak, but that didn't excuse the sheer amount of people who were lost to the other side. Surely the government was doing something about it? He liked to think so.

“Eren, Armin, and Jean. Keep walking to the right, I'll go kill it while you guys look for somewhere to sleep for the night.” Mikasa began walking towards the zombie, but a firmly gripping hand on her shoulder signaled her to pause. 

“We can't afford to be splitting up now. We need to stay together.” When Eren saw Mikasa’s mouth open to begin to protest, he stopped her again, “I don't give a shit if you feel like you can do it on your own, gut feelings have no real results so suck it up.” And so she did. Turning around and nodding to the others, they trekked their way to their target together. No, he wouldn't let anyone walk 10 feet from this group, not after what happened the last time.

He couldn't lose another one.

..........

A light tap to his shoulder brought him out of slumber. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, forming a concerned face from the shadows. He groaned, the tiredness seeping through his muscles and gnawing at his bones. 

“You fell asleep during watch.” A soft voice greeted his ears as if it was trying to be careful to not break the calming atmosphere. 

He heavily sighed in response, too exhausted to form words. 

“Here,” she began again. “Get some rest, you need it more than I do. I'll wake you up in the morning.” She gestured to the pile of blankets they found earlier in the shack, laid haphazardly on the grotesque ground. He couldn't even express his dissatisfaction of the germ infested floor as he got up from his uncomfortable position. Yawning, he placed the blankets in a way he saw fit and instantly fell on top of them, embracing them in all their soft goodness. Within minutes he fell asleep again, the light snore indicating he was at peace. 

“Serves you right to finally have a break from yourself. Lord knows what you're constantly mulling about.” She sighed, keeping her eyes trained on his steadily rising and falling body. Her gaze drifted to his right leg, a pang of guilt washing over her being. She'd never forget that day. The day full of losses. The day of unwavering grief. 

Hanji was always known for tending to look on the brighter spectrum of things while Levi was the complete opposite. She tried to keep his feelings in check, making sure he wasn't falling down that same hole again. But she knew there was a day he wouldn't care anymore. A day where he wouldn't fight back anymore. A day where he, too, would give up on life. Just like all of their other friends did.

She didn't want to face that fact, but she knew deep down that time was nearing its end.

..........

“I think this place would do us good for tonight, it’s quite roomy,” Eren spoke as the door creaked open, taking a hard look inside the cabin. He wasn’t too fond of the forest behind it, but the creek was an excellent source of water, and where there was water there was food.

“What he really means is that this is the only place within miles that’s habitable.” Jean shoved Eren from the doorway with a grunt, unloading the backpack from his arms. 

Before Eren could retort back, Armin interrupted him. “I wouldn’t get too comfortable - we still need to check every room so there are no....surprises.”

“I agree with Armin.” Mikasa nodded, also in the act of taking her backpack off. She took notice of the wilting flower centerpiece on the table and the ugly floral curtains that shielded the window.

“I call first dibs on a room!” Jean roared, stepping on the table and jumping off of it, racing down the hallway.

“You fucking nonce-!” Eren yelled, gripping his weapon and running after him. Mikasa sharply exhaled through her nose, signaling Armin to leave as well. 

To Eren’s misfortune, there were no zombies hiding in the rooms to greet Jean unexpectedly. After fighting about who got what room and who had to share, he finally took the burdening gear off his shoulders and set it against the bed. His room was warmly lit from the lantern he carried, but darkness took hold and captured the remaining light as he blew it out. He knew Mikasa had first watch tonight, but he wasn’t taking any chances. Craning his head, he saw a desk near the window that was cluttered with blank papers and empty bottles of beer. Two lamps surrounded the bed, sitting on nightstands; he doubted they’d turn on. Finally laying down, his whole body sank. His muscles instantly strained from the comfortableness, taking a moment to get used to the soft feel. Eren’s eyes bore into the ceiling. 

He was tired, but he couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep just yet. The coolness of the key that hung around his neck was a constant reminder of what he once had. Shifting to get more comfortable, he grasped the key, feeling the memories steadily flooding back to him. The enrapturing arms of slumber softly held him until he was left in a dreamy trance; his hold never loosening.


	2. Ticking Time and Trickling Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and the others start getting comfortable in the new cabin they stumbled upon, while Hanji and Levi are still trudging / fighting in the blistering cold.

The rain’s fierce downpour ceased a few hours ago, leaving the area with its earthy aroma. The land was peaceful, just as if nothing had ever happened. Birds still sang their song and the trees began to lose their leaves due to the incoming chilly weather, just like they used to. Eren woke up in a daze, the sunrise peeking through the curtains, declaring the start of a new day. He decided since it was beginning to get colder, they’d need a place to stay for winter when it reared its repulsive head around the corner. The abandoned cabin they found last night was anything but uncomfortable if you didn’t take the forest behind it into account. He had to admit, he was starting to warm up to it. Sighing, he came to the conclusion that Mikasa took it upon herself to stay up all night. He would have to remind himself to chastise her for that later. 

A loud clattering noise and shouting shook him of his thoughts. Instinctively grabbing his hand-made blade, he threw himself off of the bed and rushed down the stairs and down the hallway, missing a step twice and almost falling. What he saw on the other end was not something he expected it to be. 

“Jean! You know we can’t cook right now - let alone use the pots and pans!” Armin whined, bending over to pick up the said dropped items; the source of the noise.

Jean obviously didn’t have anything smart to reply back with, so he just settled for angrily growling to get the job done. Letting out a breath Eren didn’t realize he was holding, he stalked into the kitchen to where the mess was. Helping Armin pick up the last of Jean’s chaos, everyone settled for eating sandwiches. Eren walked over to the line of drawers, opening each one and closing them until he found where the utensils were held. Figuring this was the best time to say this, he grabbed a butter knife as he began to voice his opinion. “So uh, It’s starting to get colder outside. And I was thinking,” he trailed off, gulping as everyone’s eyes were trained on him. Regaining his thoughts and digging his utensil into a jar of peanut butter, he began again, avoiding everyone’s gaze for the time being.“I was thinking we should maybe stay here for winter?” He cringed, finally looking up to watch as his friends’ expressions changed from content to confusion to bewilderment.

Mikasa slowly nodded. “While you are right about winter, there’s no food source around here for miles. Plus, the forest behind us doesn’t look too promising.”

“Just because people are infected doesn’t mean the animals in the forest are too; hunting wouldn’t be so bad. The water channel does separate us from the forest, but I did notice a small bridge. I doubt the zombies can swim, plus I don’t think they’re smart enough to use the walkway, but maybe we should at least try to find a store before winter does hit? To be on the safe side.” Jean reminded them, mouth spewing crumbs of chewed up food.

“A gas station would be our safest bet,” Armin inquired, leaning away from Jean. “A store this far out doesn’t seem plausible.” The blond paused a moment to swallow his food, “That is if the gas station hasn’t already been raided.”

“It’s worth a shot,” Eren nonchalantly mentioned. “We don’t know until we try, right?” He nudged his shoulder against Mikasa’s, earning a meek smile from her. He made out the dark circles surrounding her eyes, remembering she stayed up all night making sure no zombies broke in. He waited a few seconds before bringing it to the table.“I know you stayed up all night, Mika.” Her shoulders tensed. He gave her a knowing glare, nothing too rough. Her empty eyes, sapped from life, intertwined with his mismatched colored orbs. “Don’t do it again.”

“Me and Eren will take this night’s shift - so sleep well. We can handle it, right Two-Eye Thigh-High?” Jean purred, trying to suck up to his crush.

“That’s a new one.” Eren stated bluntly, unaffected by the stupid nicknames Jean would come up for him. Last time it was, “Little Shit Stain That Damages My Brain.” He had to give it to Jean, while they were clever, they didn’t roll off the tongue at all. Trying to disperse the attention from the name-calling, he switched the subject back where it belonged. “So, what’s the plan?” Eren engaged Armin’s attention, seeing his washed-out blue eyes immediately brighten as he noticed the question was directed towards him.

“It’d be smarter to leave as soon as possible - so probably today? We could get a head start. Leaving a trail of something would help us get back to the cabin in case we get lost or confused,” Armin listed, wracking his brain for more information. “I say we start walking opposite of the forest, so straight ahead. I don’t know how long this will take, there might not even be a gas station here at all. Are you sure we are all willing to take this risk?”

“We have to,” Eren said. “We don’t have enough food and water to survive. I’m willing to take the risk. The odds can’t be that bad. But, one thing before we go.”

Everyone’s brows furrowed. 

“Mikasa needs to take a nap. She can’t be traveling like that with no sleep. We will leave in a few hours, but until then,” His gaze averted to hers. “You. Bed. Now.” His protective brotherly side was showing clear as day. She immediately looked at her lap, it was now the most interesting thing in the world to her. Upon giving him a weak nod, Eren was satisfied. 

“Great! Now that that’s settled, we should probably start prepping for winter here.” Eren sat up, shrugging on his discarded green jacket.

“How?” Jean asked dumbly.

“Awesome! For asking such a stupid question, you’re chopping firewood!” Eren enthusiastically chirped, rising from his seat on the couch. While the cabin was old, the people before them sure tried to make it look nicer. The furniture wasn’t that bad; it didn’t smell horrid. The fireplace was set under an old tv - which he knew wouldn’t work, but it still made the place look fancier. The coffee table was a dark, sleek furnished wood, it held a wilting plant and a couple of books that had bent and torn pages. “Here, I’ll even get you started. I’ll arrange a place for you to put the wood down when you’re done. Sound good, Jean-Boy?”

“Tch. Don’t call me that, Jiffy.” Jean nodded his head to Eren, flicking his thumb to his lower lip. Eren immediately brushed the peanut butter off with his coat sleeve, scowling with embarrassment. 

“What should I do?” Armin asked, wanting to be helpful too. Eren thought for a moment, deciding what other crucial things they needed to gather before they couldn’t.

“You know, we will need a lot of water for bathing, drinking, and cooking purposes. I’d say try to find something you can hold the river water with.”

“Where would we even store it? We need enough water to keep four people clean and hydrated, you know.”

“Fuck…..Uhh….” Eren looked around, trying to find an answer to the seemingly hard question. “We could…..Fill the bathtub up?” His eyes darted to the kitchen, seeing the pots and pans. “We could also find some containers and set that in the bathroom since we won’t be using that space. If we find a gas station, I’m sure there are gallons of water. When we do run out, we could always go and melt the snow.” Eren finished as the door slammed shut, an angry Jean cursing as he walked out of the room. 

“You’re very smart, Eren.” Armin complimented before strutting to the kitchen, crouching down to open the cabinet under the sink, not noticing Eren’s small flushed smile. He found a simple metal pail; it’d have to do. He followed Jean outside, opening and closing the door with a soft click. 

Mikasa left when Eren put on his jacket to go sleep, he was grateful she did it immediately, but that left him in the living room with just his thoughts. Finding something to do before his mind turned on him, he went to everyone’s rooms and gathered their backpacks, beginning to unpack everything. Food, water bottles, medicine kits, toilet paper, bottles of spray paint, blades, knives, and blankets were strewn out on the floor. They were currently running low on everything, and he hoped that the trip to the gas station would prove to be profitable; maybe they’d find other things they could use too. After all, he was clearing out all the space for everything. His fingers graced a hard, book-like object. Instantly wincing, he pulled his hand out of the bag. His bag. He couldn’t help but heave out a low shudder, his body starting to shake. The key around his neck instantly felt heavier. His eyes began to prick and heat up, tears welling at the corner of his eyes, threatening to race each other down his cheeks. No. He wouldn’t open it. The memories were too painful.

 

He would never unlock that book.

..........

His eyes slowly fluttered open, feeling himself snugly holding onto something. Something that was moving. Realization finally dawning on him, Levi grunted. Giving himself a few moments to wake up and get used to his surroundings, he was awake enough to speak. “So you just love carrying me everywhere, don’t you?” He sarcastically said, yawning. His voice was husky as he came to; the side effects of sleep still lingering. The body under him lightly shook under him; presumed to be chuckling.

“I guess you could say I’ve been warming up to it.”

“Let me down, you old perverted hag,” he griped, legs dangling, trying to reach the ground.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Hanji cooed, and upon his request, she dropped Levi to the ground with a loud thunk.

Grumbling and repositioning his foot, he got up and punched her in the nape of her neck. She fell face first in the wet grass, still laughing. It pissed Levi off, so he walked on and over her, leaving her behind. The tiniest bit of air left in her lungs immediately puffed out of her as she was stepped on, causing her to sputter and cough. Feeling satisfied, he kept walking forward, not looking back to see Hanji’s staggering form pushing herself from the ground and trying to catch up to him. A few minutes pass as the birds hummed their usual melody and the crunching of leaves under their footing. It seemed quiet for the most part, they couldn’t make out any zombies in the general vicinity, which was generally odd since yesterday morning they encountered quite a few. He didn’t get his hopes up, though. The fuckers probably found a new group to feed off of which was fine by him.

“It’s getting really cold, Levi,” Hanji muttered as she finally caught her breath, trying not to shiver as the wind began to pick up, whipping at their clothes and hair. She tucked her hands in her jacket, trying to revel in her body heat. 

“I’m aware of that,” Levi replied. It looked like the wind wasn’t bothering him at all. Hanji could make out a few places where his face was beginning to get cold. His ears, cheeks, and nose were all starting to grow redder by the minute.

“We should really start looking for a place to stay for the winter. If we don’t, we can’t stock up on supplies. And if we can’t stock up on supplies, it won’t last us and we will have a slow, agonizing death.” Hanji rambled on, ticking Levi off with her unnecessary chatter. 

“I wouldn’t mind that.” 

Hanji slapped his cheek, which now was also red. “Don’t fucking say that,” she barked, tone not normally angry. While that caught Levi by surprise, he didn’t realize he voiced his thought out loud before the stinging pain of her harsh hand and the coldness registered within him. Mouth slightly open, he closed his eyes, not saying anything else. 

They walked in awkward silence for the longest time, neither of them really wanting to engage the other in conversation. Even though Hanji really wanted to coax Levi into finding someplace to stay, she decided against it. He always pulled through in the end and she would trust him. That didn’t say she wasn’t scared and uncomfortable, but she knew Levi wouldn’t make her suffer. Giving into Levi’s judgment, she silently followed him through the freezing weather. Something would work out.

It had to. They’ve gotten this far.

 

Right?

...........

Jean huffed, getting more pissed off by the minute. His arms ached and what was Jaeger doing? Lounging around like the fat bastard he was. It’s been an hour of hard labor, and he was in a lot of pain from slinging the ax down, gathering the wood, and getting splinters from the fuckers. Getting fed up, he slammed the ax down to the ground, scaring the shit out of Armin, fumbling with the overflowing pail, he spilled quite a bit. Armin hesitantly looked up, oddly seeing one more person than Jean. Wait….What?

Eyes focusing, Armin sharply sucked in a breath, dropping the bucket, the rest of the water spilling down his pants and shoes. He stood there, not moving, not caring how cold the water was and how his pants began to stick to his legs. Jean, who was staring at Armin, turned around to see what he was looking at.

Eyes widening, he saw the large group of zombies headed their way; just on the other side of the river. Shit. Three...Four….Six….Eight... How did they not notice? How come they didn’t hear them? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK.

Without a word, Jean ran, grabbing Armin’s sleeve and dragging the poor boy with him to the front of the cabin. Busting down the door, he saw Eren crying in the middle of the room, surrounded by piles of crap. “Put the shit in the bags, NOW. Get Mikasa up, we’re leaving!” Seeing as Eren wasn’t bothering to move, he raised his voice. “That’s a FUCKING ORDER! MIKASA! GET YOUR ASS UP NOW! WE’RE LEAVING. GRAB YOUR SHIT AND GO.”

Eren started to put the items in the bags frantically, not knowing what was happening or even trying to make it look neat, his earlier efforts wasted. Throwing the bags to Jean and Armin, they each grabbed one, not caring who’s was who’s. A few seconds later they heard the fast, stomping footsteps as Mikasa made her way down, fully clothed, the dark circles from her eyes a bit lighter. When everyone had a bag, nobody hesitated to run out of the door, Mikasa closing it. Eren and Mikasa, who had no idea what was happening, finally understood as they were a few meters from the cabin. There, they could see the pile of zombies, trying to make their way over the river.

Once they were a ways away from the cabin and the zombies, Jean tugged off his backpack and began to look inside it. The first two things he saw was a can of orange spray paint and a torn, gray blanket. Grabbing the two items and zipping his bag shut, he slung it back over his shoulders and begun to shake the paint. Eren turned to Jean, the noise catching his attention. The earlier shed tears still left tracks, his snot did too. His eyes were large, red, and puffy. To sum it all up, he didn’t look attractive in the least. Bumping shoulders with the distraught man, he wrapped the blanket around him, giving an encouraging smile. Eren instantly took it, nodding as a thank you. 

Tossing the can to Armin, he let him do the fun part. They had to find their way back somehow, and that was the only way that seemed smart enough. There were no trees to carve into, and they didn’t want to risk putting things on the ground in case they didn’t see them. They’d have to deal with the zombies when they get back. Hopefully, they didn’t know how to open doors.

And hopefully, there was a gas station in their midst in the next few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ??? You thought they'd meet each other this chapter?? Nah, dude, let the plot roll down the hill first! Since I've been getting a lot of good ratings of this story, I decided to be nice and push out this chapter before Saturday; don't get used to it. 
> 
> I had a little bit of trouble figuring out shitty nicknames Jean would call Eren. I got help with "Jiffy," from my friend. She's also writing a story - https://archiveofourown.org/works/18175814/chapters/42988301. Go check it out!
> 
> I also tried getting down Eren's character design - which you can find right here! http://qwerty-top.tumblr.com/image/183529712445. By the next chapter I'll have Levi's design finished as well!
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and see you next chapter!


	3. Sweet Frogs and Sad Undertones

_Carla Jaeger was sick; everyone knew that. Carla Jaeger wasn't going to make it; everyone wanted to deny that. But deep down, in their hearts, they couldn't deny it forever. They'd have to come to terms with it sooner or later before it was too late._

_Her little, chipper son lost his light, his bright smile diminishing when given the news a few months back. His eyes widened, bottom lip beginning to quiver. He stopped himself. No. He wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. At times like these, he told himself; be strong. Be stronger for her, because she can’t be._

_“I can’t promise you I’ll be a-okay, but rest assured I’m still your mother. Just because I’m sick doesn’t mean I’ll neglect you, and it surely doesn’t mean things will change between us, my little flower. Hold your head high, we only get stronger from here, love.” Her words echoed in his brain on a countless repeat, causing his eyes to sting and his heart to drop every time he recalled them._

_He still went to school. He still talked to his friends, but he was only slipping further. First, it was his grades, then he started growing distant from everyone; even his own mother who needed him the most. He swiped away the messages and notifications off his phone screen when his phone trilled without hesitation. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t know how to cope with all the mixed emotions lingering in his brain. Eren still hung out with his mother, watching movies together. Watching the birds peck at the leaves, looking for a quick snack before dinner. Watching the wind blow the clouds across the sky, making shapes out of them until they dispersed; no longer an object to make out in their form. Watching his mother lose her hair, the shape of her face, body, and smile. Watching his mother slowly die in front of him, not doing anything to stop it._

_He never told anyone about what was happening. He didn’t want to. He felt….distanced from everything, he still didn’t have the right words to describe the feeling. Eren kept to himself, finding a short-lived happiness in the smallest things. His mother always reassured him she was fine, but he didn’t feel comfortable hiding behind her words. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew his mother was lying to him, but with a little more thought, Eren decided she was lying to herself the most._

_Carla still had dreams and things she wanted to do before she left, but she came to the conclusion that she wouldn’t be able to, just like that! Eren didn’t understand it, wouldn’t you at least fight for those things if they meant that much to you? He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand anything anymore and it was pissing him off. He didn’t want his mother to give up on those dreams, she still had a shot at this! Everyone did! But then again, he didn’t know anymore. His thoughts would go to the more positive side of things, then slowly drift to the horrible negatives; it was a constant battle. He was always left with an ache in his head when he couldn’t comprehend something so fucking **simple.** It’s not that hard! _

_He always fell asleep fighting his thoughts, his tears leaving jagged tracks on his cheeks as he snuffed them out with his pillow half-heartedly, trying to rid himself of his headache. He was more prone to get them now. Whenever he cried, thought too hard, or even laughed too much made his head start to hurt. He found comfort in the warmth and safety the blankets gave him, his legs scrunching up to make himself feel smaller, his shallow breaths emitting heat to his chilled arms._

_The previously opened window had allowed the sounds of nature in his room. The soft song of crickets and the occasional gust of wind would bring his curtains to life. Wrapping his arms and legs around the giant crocodile plushie his father gave him years ago, he sapped up all its warmth, listening to the melody that was being played for him. Wow. A senior in high school cuddling a plushie? How fucking pathetic could he get?_

_His body soon stopped convulsing as the animal kept him grounded to the Earth. He blinked away the last of his tears, reminding himself he had to be quiet as possible. The radiating warmth of sleep’s fingers graced his cheek, wiping away the wetness that started to cake onto them. Lulling Eren into a peaceful dream, it chased away any and all his pessimistic beliefs, cradling him in its careful, considerate arms._

_“Dream well, my little flower.”_

_……….._

_A soft knock on Eren’s door woke him up, but he stayed under the covers, basking in the warmth they gave him. Sounding out a low groan so he didn't have to voice he was awake, his father turned the knob and slowly opened it, a high pitched creaking noise soon following the action._

_“Eren? Are you awake?” His father asked, whispering so his voice wouldn't hurt the boy's ears._

_His father only got another groan in response, the blankets shifting just a tad. “I made breakfast. You can eat it now or later, I'll put it in the microwave if you want it. I have to go to work now, see you later Alligator.”_

_“After while, Crocodile.” Eren yawned, beginning to sit up straight, earning a hesitant smile from his dad. Once Grisha was satisfied, he closed the door quietly with a click, heading to who knows where. Not work, that's for sure._ _Eren tried not to dwell on that fact; hell, his head was finally cleared, he didn’t need it to get clouded again when he just woke up! He slipped out of bed, the chilling cold of autumn gripped at the bottom of his feet as he stood on the rugged floor. He closed the window, nature morphing into a dull murmur._

_He turned his head and noticed his phone sitting on his drawing desk, not been touched in around a week. He knew it was long dead, but he couldn’t really bring himself to charge it. He really didn’t want to make his friends worry, but he also didn’t see the need to talk to them either. Sighing, Eren picked it up, walking over to the outlet by his bed and reluctantly plugged it in. It vibrated in his hand, signaling it was awake and now charging. He’d check the messages later, and hopefully, by then, he’d have the courage to answer them._

_The faint smell of food wafted in his nostrils as he set his phone down lightly on the top of his unmade bed, his body drifting to open the door and padded down the hallway. The stairs creaked as a foreign weight stepped upon them, pronouncing he was awake to any others in the house. Eren looked over the railway, seeing his mother scrawling away at a book she held in her hands. “_

_What are you writing?” He curiously asked as he descended down the stairs._

_“Oh, nothing. Just passing time.” She replied, avoiding his question completely. Trying not to think too hard about why, he stepped into the kitchen and opened the microwave, seeing the plate filled with the breakfast his father made not too long ago. Buttered toast with a side of apples, cheese, and green peppers. The weird combo was mundane for him, his father was a doctor after all._

_“Did you eat?”_

_“Oh, no, honey. I'm not hungry.”_

_Well, that was new._

_Sitting down on the floor behind the tv, facing his mother, he placed his plate on the coffee table, watching her continue to write things in the book._

_“Are you writing a book?”_

_"You could say that.”_

_Biting his toast, he looked at the cover. There was nothing on it besides the light green cover. It had to be a diary. His mother didn’t write stories - he never saw her do it. His mother was still fixated on that damned book when he finished his meal. Deciding to leave her alone, he began his way up the stairs in silence. Eren’s heart lurched, a familiar feeling to him now. Breathing slowly, he opened his door and walked over to his bed, the sun fulling shining in his room, illuminating everything he had in there. Picture frames glinted, holding fond memories and art he’s done._

_Eren picked up his phone, turning it on and seeing every notification. All 185 of them. Fucking christ._

**_(42 Missed Calls from Horseass Jeanbutt)._ **

**_(21 Texts from Sister Mikasa)._ **

**_(63 Texts from Horseass Jeanbutt)._ **

**_(19 Missed Calls from Ocean Man, Take Me By The Hand)._ **

**_(8 Missed Calls from Sister Mikasa)._ **

**_(32 Voicemails)._ **

_It took him roughly about 30 minutes to get caught up with everyone, texting that he was fine and listening to the voicemails. Jean immediately texted him when Eren finally talked to him again._

_**( Horseass Jeanbutt ):** I don’t believe you. I’m coming over, get your shoes on and tell your mom you’re going out for a bit. _

_**( You ):** What? No? No. I can’t. _

_**( Horseass Jeanbutt ):** And why not? I haven’t heard anything from you in weeks, Eren. I don’t care what the fuck you’ve made plans for, they can be canceled. _

_**( You ):** Stuff like this can’t be canceled._

_**( Horseass Jeanbutt ):** Too late now, I’m heading out the door. Be ready or else. _

_“Are you fucking kidding me,” Eren groaned in desperation. His friend, Jean, was quite the persistent bastard. Sighing in defeat, he unplugged his phone, slipped on his shoes, and grabbed a small coat from his closet. There was no way to get out of this one, so he’d might as well face it. Jean lived a few blocks away, so he figured his mom let him drive to Eren’s house. He figured it would take around 10 minutes for him to get here, so Eren trotted down the stairs and told his mom that Jean was going to be here soon so they could go out and do something. He didn’t know what Jean was planning, so he couldn’t really tell his mother where they’d be going._

_He really didn’t want to do this._

_Nobody knew his mother was deathly ill._

_He didn’t want them to._

_But he needed to get out before he suffocated._

_A harsh knock to the door pulled him from his head. He scrambled to the door before his mother could, opening the door just a crack so Jean couldn’t fully see in. Has it already been around 10 minutes? He figured Jean probably sped here, being the impatient bastard he was._

_“Hey, Eren-”_

_“See you later, Mom! We’ll be back in an hour or so. Love you!” Eren slipped through the door, closing it before Jean could look at his broken mother. He left her alone once again. He couldn’t keep doing that._

_“Eren? What’s going on?”_

_"I should be asking you that. Why do you want to see me all of a sudden?”_

_"All of a sudden? Eren, I’ve been trying to get your goddamn attention for weeks! ‘All of a sudden’ my ass! Now, tell me what the fuck is going on.”_

_The two boys talked while they clambered into Jean’s mother’s car. Eren didn’t want to tell Jean, It’d just make him worry even more than he already was. He should think up a lie, It would be better for both of them if he did._

_“I’ve just been working really hard on my studies.”_

_“BULLSHIT, EREN! You and I both know you can’t keep concentrated on something for more than 5 minutes. I’m not starting this car until you tell me the truth.” True to his word, he didn’t even click his seatbelt on until his full attention was towards the passenger seat, filled with a shaking, nervous Eren._

_“I’d feel much better telling you if we weren’t right in front of my house.” Jean searched his features for any indication if his words were the truth. Eren’s ears weren’t red, he wasn’t looking down at his shoes, and he certainly wasn’t picking at his fingernails. Every time Eren told a lie, those 3 things happened in order. Did he get better at lying in the past few weeks?_

_A few moments pass before Jean sighed defeatedly. “Alright, fine, I’ll trust you,” he muttered as he put the key in the ignition, the car roaring to life. They both put their seatbelts on before Jean drove off, much to his dissatisfaction. He trusted Eren, he really did, but the past few weeks only told him more that Eren was keeping something from him. Something big. He’d get it out of him today, no matter what it took. Keeping something bottled up inside would only make your insides explode - it doesn’t help to not tell anyone, that much Jean knew._

_They rode in silence, the quiet hum of a normal pop song from the radio and the wind whipping inside the vehicle as Eren rolled down the car window, the nice breeze soothing him of his fears and cooling down his body. The familiar neighborhood of Shiganshina whizzed by in a flurry as he watched people raking up the leaves that cluttered their yards. Kids were playing outside, their laughter almost contagious. Almost. His heart lurched and stomach dropped once again when he remembered he left his mother home alone. God, he hated this. His anxiety was rising up his throat, acid eating away at his stomach._

_“Do you even know where you’re driving to?” His mouth opened without permission, he silently cursed himself for even saying anything._

_“I do, but you don’t.” The red light indicated him to slowly come to a stop as the other cars began to move. He looked at Eren._

_“Then tell me. Please.” Jean’s gaze flicked up back at the stoplight which was now turning green. He figured he might as well tell him where they were going, it might relieve the tendrils of anxiety that was leaking out of Eren - he could feel it from here. He instantly felt bad for his friend, he had no idea what was going on._

_Sighing, he replied. “Sweet Frog.”_

_"Wh - Jean - That stuff isn’t cheap!”_

_“It’s a symbol of love.” Jean’s stare hardened on the road. Eren couldn’t believe he said that stone-faced. He softly laughed, which caused Jean to smile for the first time since this morning. It was a tradition they had, when something bad happened that was a big enough need for Sweet Frog, they would exchange their troubles for froyo. True to Jean’s word, said place popped up in the distance, the cute little frogs smiling sweetly on the sign. Eren grinned to himself. He needed this. He needed to get out and breathe a breath of fresh air once in a while. He needed to let go, pushing his anxiety and fears down. He needed to tell his friends what was happening._

_He needed to get stronger. For himself. For his friends._

_For his mother._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I!! Love!! Sweetfrog!! so much oh my god its so good!! I'm really pumping out these chapters, huh?
> 
> Here's Levi's design!! http://qwerty-top.tumblr.com/image/183615134930
> 
> Tune in for the next chapter, I love you all!


	4. Hesitantly Hearing Out Your Conflicted Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A more sad chapter. Don't worry, this is still going to be an ERERI story.

_Eren and Jean were lounging in his car in a parking spot away from everyone else, diving into their sweet treats. It was the right amount of cold outside to be able to eat them without freezing their asses off. The radio and windows were down and all was right with the world for a few seconds._

_Like Jean said, “froyo for a boyo if yo tell me yo problems.”_

_He’d have to tell him. It was only fair._

_He sighed, setting his cup in his lap._

_“Triple Negative Breast Cancer,” He rushed out, not even thinking twice. Holy fucking shit that hurt to say. **Fucking shit. Holy fuck.** Eren tightly shut his eyes, his hands squeezing the cup, crushing it. Eren placed it in a cup holder, It'd be safer there. He started to lose the normal pacing of his breath, he felt like he was drowning in air. His hands started to shake and his eyes were beginning to water, god, he hated this. Out of all the people this could have happened to, it had to be her. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. _

_But at the same time, it felt good. So good to finally tell someone. So good that another person besides him and his family knew of this information. So good that another person was now burdening that weight on their shoulders._

_He felt a warm, calloused hand wrap around his arm, running down to his wrist and up to his elbow. Reassurance. Jean was still probably a bit confused, this act was to get Eren to come back to his senses and form an actual sentence. It grounded him. He wasn’t falling anymore. He was back in the car with one of his best friends. Eren didn’t want to admit that the gesture felt really good, he’s been yearning for human contact for months now. He was overjoyed but depressed at the same time, he didn’t know what the fuck to think at the moment, but Jean kept on rubbing his arm. God, what did he do to deserve such an amazing friend? Jean was always there for him. When Eren broke his leg during a horrible sports accident and when he was conflicted about his sexual orientation. Even when Eren had a fallout with one of his other friends, Jean was always there like he was now, smoothing out his arm._

_“M...M….My Mom…” His voice shook rapidly, the tears evidently showing themselves in his words. Oh yeah, they were now showing alright. He felt the familiar warmth of them welling up in his eyes, he blinked and released a few, feeling them race each other down his cheeks. The trails instantly stung in the cold as the wind blew and he only winced more._

_He heard Jean’s intake of breath, shocked by the words that were now falling into place. It only caused the tears to roll down faster. “Oh Eren, sweetie, no no no. Hush, hush. Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. Eren, look at me,” Jean reached over from his seat and cupped Eren’s cheeks in his hands, using his thumbs to smooth out the tears now dribbling down his chin. “Look at me, Eren. Please.”_

_And so he did. Their eyes clashed, Eren’s now of red, puffy yellows, browns, blues, and greens whilst Jean’s were swirling golds and browns full of concern._

_“I know you’re thinking about how unfair this is. Of how you wished to god you could go back to simpler times. About how you took everything for granted - but stop. You’re only walking down a dark cave, your light filled with degrading thoughts that are only leading you deeper. You’re feeding the fire, engulfing yourself every time your mind wanders to the unhealthy beliefs. I need to tell you something, Eren, before It’s too late, so listen well. If you keep on thinking about how shitty things are right now, you won’t have time to think about the good things - the missed opportunities. The upsetting images in your mind are only clouding your judgment, probably making your mother worry about your health. You need to spend time with her, Eren. You need to show that you’re going to be there for her because of the things I know, I doubt your father is.”_

_Jean sighed before starting again, “I’m not saying you shouldn’t cry or feel sad, those things are normal. You can cry, yell, beat the fuck out of things to let the anger and sadness out. We’re all human here, Eren. But, you can’t drown in those emotions, either. You also need to be happy to have a healthy balance of emotions.” He felt Eren shift under his hands, clearly wanting to deny that last part._

_Before his mouth opened to spew more shit, Jean stopped him. “Don’t even say it, Eren. I know what you’re about to do, so don’t. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth trying to refute the right answer just because you don’t want to believe it.” Words were starting to fail Jean, he could tell Eren didn’t want to be here anymore and he certainly didn’t want to hear any more of Jean’s attempts at consoling him._

_Eren had lost so many good friends. His father could be the biggest piece of shit. His living conditions aren’t the best. And his mother. Oh, god his mother. He was tired of this. He was tired of waking up every morning just to be greeted with yet another problem that couldn’t be fixed. He was tired of people taking advantage of him._

_He was tired of living._

_So tired of everything that he would lay in bed contemplating his own death in hopes that maybe something would just take him out and relieve him from this shitty world. But it never happened, no matter how much he wished for it._

_The biggest thing he wished for was to shut up because he saw Jean’s horrified expression._

_He said those words out loud._

_Before he could even blink, he was flung to the driver’s seat and pressed flush against a rock hard chest that was shaking tremendously. Jean's arms wrapped Eren into a bone-crushing embrace, pushing Eren’s head under his chin. He could hear his laboured breathing. He could hear the choked up sobs Jean was trying so hard to keep in. He could hear Jean’s heartbeat increasing._

_Not a word was said, but he could practically hear the moment when Jean’s heart broke in half._

_He shouldn’t have come here. He shouldn’t have let Jean take him out. He shouldn’t have said anything._

_After a few minutes, Jean exhaled a shaky breath, his head throbbing from crying so much. He rubbed his cheek on Eren’s fluffy head, making sure his friend was still there._

_“Maybe….” Jean started, his tears getting the best of him, “If I held onto you forever…...You can’t disappear from me.”_

_Jean instantly felt wetness beginning to form on his neck. Eren was beginning to cry again. Jean placed a hesitant hand in Eren’s hair, playing with the strands. “You’re okay. I’m okay. We’re okay. Everything is fine, Eren. I’m here. I won’t ever leave you, you're stuck with me, Crocodile Dundee.”_

_That last part only made Eren’s sobs louder. Fuck, what did he ever do to have Jean? Little shit walked into his life - well, not really. The first day of kindergarten Jean threw a lego block at Eren’s head when he walked in, but that's besides the point. They both grew to tolerate each other, and now they were inseparable._

_He squeezed Jean tighter, digging his face into his neck. The steering wheel was digging into his back; he was uncomfortable, but didn't see the need to move._

_“Promise me something, Eren. Promise me once I drop you off, you hug your mother. For both of our sakes.” Eren nodded slowly, separating himself from his friend._

_“Thank you, Jean. I'm fine now, I feel better. I just…..I needed that. Thank you.”_

_“Don't thank me, Dork-A-Bee.” That line made Eren softly chuckle, earning a wide grin from Jean, which soon faded away. “You uhh...should probably get back in your seat. Lord knows what people around us are thinking.”_

_“Oh..Right,” Eren noticed the way in which the two were placed. Trying not to blush at the crude, teenager thoughts he had, he wiped his face from his tears. He didn't feel THAT way about Jean, he was his brother and he had a fat crush on Mikasa, another one of Eren’s friends. She acted like his sister, which was a good and bad thing._

_He slowly and painstakingly clambered over to his seat, kicking the cup holders and radio a few times. Jean winced at the noises. Hopefully, his mother would understand the scuffing. Eren plopped down and gave Jean a tentative smile, which he returned._

_“Are you done with that?” Jean pointed to the now melted cup of froyo. Eren shook his head, picked up the cup, and began to drink it. Typical Eren._

_“Well, I think I should drop ya back home now. Don't hesitate to call or text me, alright? I don't want a repeat of this happening. I'm here for you, Eren. There's never been a time when I wasn't. Don't forget that again.” Eren nodded, the sweet liquid dripping from his lips._

_“I won't. I promise.” Damn, Eren thought, there's a lot of promises being made this morning. It made him feel as if he had a purpose now. It felt…..good._

_Jean turned the key, bringing the engine to life. Eren was kind of upset, he didn't want this to be over. He felt lighter for the first time in what must have been an eternity. It was like Jean had wiped away all of his worries, even if it was just for one small moment. So refreshed and cleaned from all his worries when he was with his friend. Without thinking twice, Eren opened his mouth._

_“Hey, Jean?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Do you think maybe we could…..go out for lunch?”_

_For some reason, Eren felt like he had to do something today, he felt like he was losing time? He wasn’t sure._

_“I wouldn’t mind it. Just make sure you text your mom and ask her if she wants anything. Where do you want to go?”_

_“Texas Roadhouse is fine, I heard they have a new lunch special,” Eren quickly texted his mom, telling her where they went and if she wanted anything. Of course, to no surprise, she said she was fine and told him to have a good time._

_What did he ever do to deserve them?_

_………._

_“I feel like I should start from the beginning,” Eren sipped his drink, a blue lemonade; he got them any chance he could._

_“If you want to,” Jean cleared his throat, also drinking the same thing. Yeah, Eren convinced him to. They weren't bad, it sure did taste like blue lemonade, but it was a bit too sweet for his liking though._

_The ambiance of the restaurant was calming, not too many people were there; just how Eren liked it. Besides the country music that was playing, everything else was fine. They ordered their food, sat somewhere somewhat secluded from everyone else, just like the old days. Back then, it wasn't uncommon for Eren and his friends to go out and eat together, but ever since Eren distanced himself, an outing like this hasn't happened in a while. He could only be grateful for Jean's stubborn ass._

_“I think it was around mid to late August, so right after school started. She said she felt a weird bump on the side of her chest, but played it off as a spider bite. Thing is, spider bites don't grow that big. I told her to get it checked out many times, she just didn't think it was a big deal. Eventually, I convinced her. She drove me to school and she went to the hospital. I never knew…..” He trailed off, “I never knew when that she picked me up and drove to the dollar store that…”_

_Jean put his hand on Eren’s. Eren sucked in a breath and started again, feeling more at ease with Jean's hand on his._

_“It's funny, really. She had to tell me right before we walked in. I was a blubbering mess and everyone inside thought I was a little kid who didn't want to be there. If only they knew.” Jean nodded, lightly squeezing his hand. The waiter came by with their food, momentarily stopping their conversation. Exchanging thank yous, they began to eat._

_“At least she got checked out before It got too bad, right?”_

_Eren softly shook his head._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“None of the treatments they are giving her are working. It’s just making her sick to her stomach; It’s not touching the cancer. Last week, they gave her the strongest chemo they had called “The Red Devil,” that’s not even doing anything. I feel like she’s going to give up soon. If not her, the doctors will. There’s nothing more they can do.” Eren numbly ate, the taste not reaching his tongue. He decided it was best to get everything out right here and now, It’d only come back to bite him in the ass later._

_“I’m sure they will find something, I highly doubt the doctors will give up on her. I know I wouldn’t.” Right. Jean wanted to become a doctor. He’d make a good doctor, he had a calm, deep voice and a will to keep going, no matter what problems he was faced with. He always wore a dumb smile that was contagious, whoever was with him would be in good hands._

_“Yeah,” Eren lied. He knew there was nothing else, ‘The Red Devil’ was a last resort. His stomach began to drop. He needed to switch the conversation before he lost his appetite for good. “So how are your doctor classes going?”_

_“Pretty good, nothing I can’t handle. It’s kind of funny to see the girls get squeamish at the pictures, they won’t last another month. Either they’ll quit or get kicked out. Why become a doctor when you can’t even look at the wounds? You’d think they’d know not to try to be a doctor if they couldn’t handle it. I know I wouldn’t want them operating on me if they looked like they were going to throw up every other second.” Eren nodded once again, like his motions were on repeat. His words were beginning to fail him, he didn't want to speak. He appreciated Jean's sense of humour, it kept his mind out of the trash-filled storm drain his life had become. He stuffed a roll in his mouth, chewing it slowly, rethinking everything that happened today so far. The taste in his mouth was beginning to return to him when his phone began to trill on the table. Picking it up, he saw that Mikasa was calling him._

_“Jell-O?”_

**_“Hello, Eren.”_ **

_“What’s up, sis?”_

_**“Nothing much, besides the fact that you and Jean went to lunch together and didn't invite me.”** _

_Eren sent a disgusting scowl on the other side of the table, causing Jean to slowly slink down into in his seat, stuffing his face full so that he couldn’t talk._

_“See, haha...What had happened was….”_

_………._

_Eren walked inside, closing the door behind him. He saw that his mother still had her face buried in that fucking book. Eren remembered the promise he made and stomped over, taking the book out of her hands and putting it on the coffee table. He didn’t have time to see her confused expression as he pulled her into a tight hug, being careful to not jostle the port that was lodged in her chest._

_“I love you, mom.”_

_Very confused, but happy with this gesture, his mother replied, “I love you too, my little flower.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm self projecting a shit ton in this chapter. Thing is, cancer isn't something to joke about, it's not funny. Please refrain from making jokes about it - I don't even see why people do it in the first place.
> 
> Pretty much almost everything in this chapter has happened to me, or is something I've done. I try to incorporate more of my life experiences in stories so I can explain it better and put more emotion into it, or that it's more factual.
> 
> This flashback will only go on for one to two more chapters, so don't worry, the next chapters will be longer. 
> 
> Also, I did finish Jean's design, you can go on my tumblr and find it but I'm just going to make a masterpost of all of them once I'm finished.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and see you in chapter 5!


	5. Cold Coffees and Evil Equations

_Eren whined desperately, wishing that the alarm’s buzz that was blaring right in his ear was just his dream fucking with him. Who in their right mind would make kids wake up at 6AM, then go to school for 8 hours, 5 days a week, only to have 2 days off for a weekend? It was such bullshit. He kept telling himself It’d be over soon and that he’ll never wake up before 8AM once he graduates from this hellhole. Feeling satisfied once he strung out a plethora of curses, he pushed himself from his bed, the snug warmth of his blankets leaving him pantless and beginning to shiver. Eren walked over to his dresser, plucking garments of clothing out for the day. Slipping some dark green cargo pants and a lighter shade of green for his shirt, he noticed most of his clothing consisted of forest colors. His mother did encourage him to wear brighter hues. He could now see why. He’d go clothes shopping with Mikasa later._

_Seeing as he only had 10 minutes left to get ready and leave, Eren snatched his jacket from its hanger and grabbed a pair of boots, padding down the stairs and slinging the bathroom door closed. Locking it, he put his stuff down and - fuck he forgot his backpack. He’d grab it later, he had to piss first. After relieving himself, Eren quickly washed his hands and brushed his hair and teeth. Slipping on his shoes and tying them, he zipped his jacket up halfway and opened the door._

_“Hey, mom?” He rounded the corner, searching to see if his mother was up and close to ready to leave, today was Monday and was the first shot of chemo for the week. She was, sitting up on the couch and playing a game on her phone. “I’m almost ready, I’m going to go start the car so it heats up.” Once Carla looked at him and nodded, Eren trudged back upstairs to retrieve his forgotten bag. Stomping back down the stairs, he was already out of breath. Fuck. Too many swiss rolls. He slapped his stomach. Oh yeah, way too many swiss rolls……_

_He made his way back to the living room, seeing that he only had 5 minutes to be able to get to school on time and grab breakfast for him and his mother. “Shit I forgot to-”_

_“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. I turned the car on when you ran back upstairs. I figured you forgot, it’s only natural that you did, it is Monday after all.” Carla was waiting in front of the door for her son, a purse in her shaky hands. She looked very anxious and scared for some reason, but Eren couldn’t put his finger as to why. His mother has been getting treatment for months now, surely she wasn’t scared about that? “When you get home, I'll have a surprise waiting for you on your bed. Don't open it until I tell you to, alright?” She began to walk into the hallway, Eren figuring she had to grab something before they left._

_“Uh...Alright?” Eren questioned, his eyebrows furrowing in thought. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he opened the door and began to walk outside. The brutal, cold wind almost knocking him over._

_Pitch._

_Fucking._

_Black._

_Somebody please remind him why he was up at the asscrack of the damn morning. It was colder than a witch’s tit out here! He kept telling himself he only had one more school year and that he could do this. You know what? No. It wasn’t even winter and his fingers and ears were turning red from just trying to walk down the driveway and reach the bloody car. How had his mother turned it on without freezing to death? She didn’t exactly have hair to keep her warm..._

_Quit thinking about it, Eren._

_Right, sorry Eren. Eren swung the car door open and plunged his ass in the driver’s seat, immediately cupping and bringing his frozen, red fingers up to his mouth to relieve the searing cold pain. He huffed and rubbed them together as fast as he could, trying to regulate the blood flow. God fucking **DAMN** it’s cold as a bitch today. _

_The car began to substantially warm up as his mother made her way through the front door, turning around to close and lock it. A swift gust of frigid, icy air blew into the car as Carla closed the car door once she was settled._

_“Crazy how cold it is already,” Carla stated, stuffing her hands in her lap to heat them up. Her efforts were futile, her body couldn’t produce heat like it used to. Eren secretly moved his hand under her seat and turned the seat warmer to a higher setting._

_“Yeah. It’s only the beginning of November. I know we are nearing December but dam-......dang.” His mother shot a look when he was about to curse; he quickly caught himself._

_After an awkward moment, Eren’s stomach began to fill the void with its grumbling, causing his mother to quirk a brow. “So, what do you want to eat?” He questioned sheepishly, lowly chuckling to himself at how loud it was even though he just woke up. He got too used to the big meals he had with Jean the other day. Yeah, that had to be it. His stomach was just not used to all the good and **real** food yesterday. Even though he could barely taste it from his past conflictions and close panic attacks, it tasted better than almost anything he's eaten in a while. His father didn’t exactly make food, he looked in the cupboards and threw stuff on a plate. It was better than nothing, though. _

_“Nothing too big, I’m still not feeling well.”_

_“Dunkin’ Donuts it is.” His mother gave a fake aggravated sigh._

_“You didn’t specify.” Eren shrugged, gripping the steering wheel as he drove out of the driveway, looking out of his window as he backed up._

_“You’re getting chubby.”_

_“Hey! I plan to start working out again.” Eren flicked the car lights on, illuminating his path as he drove down the road, watching the neighborhood quickly pass out of the corners of his eyes. The familiar rumble of the moving vehicle was the only thing breaking the silence, their former conversation fading away._

_Eren thought about Jean, knowing he’d probably eat something of his if he didn’t get something for the bastard. Internally growling, he added an iced coffee to his list of things to get for breakfast. They’d just have to share, he couldn’t shake Jean off of him that easily anyway. He was taller than he was, standing at 6 foot while Eren was a couple of inches less than that, around 5’11. Mikasa was 5’5, while Armin, being the short cutie he was, was only 5’1. Those two were juniors while he and Jean were seniors. He could never imagine barely being over 5 foot whilst a senior in high school - he wondered if the little nerds got bullied for it. If anything, the two giants, Jean and Eren, would handle it right away. Eren’s mind focused on the road. He noticed he was nearing his destination, the car still silent._

_“What are you wanting?” He asked, merging to the right lane._

_“Just a coffee. Doesn't matter what kind.”_

_“Food-wise. You need to eat. No exceptions. I'm not dropping you off before I see you finish this meal."_

_“Eren-”_

_“No. I know this medicine makes you sick to your stomach sometimes but dammit, you're losing the shape of your stomach. I know you're hungry, mom. You have to be. So, get something here. I don't care what it is.” His mother gave a defeated exhale through her nostrils. “Just get me a breakfast sandwich.” “Anything to drink?” “No, they have water at the hospital.” “Alright then.” Eren felt bad for forcing his mother to eat, but if he didn't, she wouldn’t do it herself. He knew she wasn’t feeling well and that she had to puke every other hour, but if she didn't eat or drink it'd only make it worse. He had to take care of his mother by himself, because his father was always away, probably trying to avoid any and all contact with the two. He had to admit, even he tried to stop seeing his mother; any look in her direction would send a stabbing pain to his heart and brain. Eren didn’t want to desert his mother, but sometimes he just couldn't take it._

_He didn't even realize he already ordered his food and was driving off._

_Eren's eyes darted back and forth, to the food and the road in front of him. “What the f-”_

_“Eren.”_

_“Sorry I just-”_

_“Are you alright?”_

_“Yea-Yes. Yes. I'm fine.” He really needed to stop doing that._

_Not a word was said for the rest of the ride. They both felt it'd be better not to. Eren pulled up into the entrance of the center, a recurring action. He pulled up like always. He slowly stopped, like always. He took a short breath, squeezing his fingers on the wheel, like always. He turned his head, giving his mother a sad smile, like always._

_But this time was not like always._

_Carla reached forward, taking her son's head in her hands. She placed a long, lingering kiss to his forehead, then regretfully leaned back in her chair. She gathered her things and gave one last look to Eren, “I love you. I’ll be waiting for you after school.”_

_And then she was gone._

_Eren tried not to cry, he really did. He just couldn't stop all of the tears from falling. Squeezing the wheel with enough ferocity to make his knuckles white, he drove off._

_Leaving his mother, like always._

_………._

_Instant warmth filled his senses as he walked in the doors of Shiganshina High, greeted with groups of people filing in and out of the lunchroom and library. Hearing laughter and murmured conversations, Eren made his way to the library. Two giant doors opened fully, showed the ceiling tall bookshelves. Counters were full of coffee makers, toasters and warm biscuits. Nobody knew who made or brought them. Surprisingly enough, not a lot of people would go to the library in the morning. He and his friends have a normal spot, hidden away from the people who were there. A small, secluded seating space they occupied every morning that had a few couches and a coffee table to center it all. It would be so quiet, so peaceful. That is until he turned the corner._

_He was pulled into a bone-crushing hug, by none other than Jean Kirstein._

_“Sohn_ einer _Hündin!” Eren yelled, terrified of the sudden embrace. His grasp on his bag and coffee increased, praying not to drop any of it._

_Jean immediately let go, his focus on something other than Eren now._

_“Is that food? For me? Ah, you’re such a pal, Eren!” Jean stole Eren’s breakfast from his fingertips, already digging into the bag and drinking the iced coffee. Eren smacked Jean on the nape of his neck, causing Jean to yelp._

_“I was going to share with you, but now I’m not so sure,” Taking his things back, he gave Jean a disgusted growl. Eren hadn’t noticed that Connie and Sasha had decided to join the party too. Oh god…..Not Sasha-_

_“Heya Eren!” No. No. No. He could practically see the drool coming out of her mouth, greeting the bag of food more than Eren himself._

_“Sasha…” Connie warned._

_“What? I was just saying hello.”_

_“To the food or Eren?” Jean joked._

_“I feel attacked right now. Me and my food will now be hanging out elsewhere.” Eren began to walk away but felt a presence behind him. “When I said that, I meant alone.”_

_“I don’t think so,” Jean snarkily replied._

_“And why is that?” Eren pulled out a new seat to sit in. He put his food on the table, slipping off his backpack and dishing inside it for the homework he abandoned yesterday for Jean._

_“You had all weekend to finish that,” Jean stated the obvious, taking a seat next to Eren, not bothering to answer his question._

_“Oh, really? Didn't get the memo.” He grunted, slowly sliding in his seat and eyeing a mouth-watering Jean. He sighed. “Go ahead. I got enough for the both of us anyway. Just try not to eat all the blueberry munchkins and save some coffee for me for PE. Lord knows I'll need it.” Every Monday in PE was called “Military Mondays.” Yeah. It fucking sucked ass._

_“Will do!”_

_Eren quickly got to work, his pencil and the crinkling of the bag were the only sounds that kept the awkward silence at bay. That is until Jean opened his mouth, spewing wet crumbs on the once clean table._

_“That's wrong.”_

_“It's really not.”_

_“It really is. You have to write all the numbers for the 13 factorial, divide it by the product of the 5 factorial and the 3 factorial. Then simplify those. Also, it's_ nCr _this time, not_ nPr _. It doesn't matter if the numbers are in a specific order for this problem.”_

_Damn you, Jean. You smart asshole licking med student._

_“Whatever.” Eren sneered. He never was good with math, once the shitty exclamation marks popped into his equations he said to hell with it all._

_“Hey man, I'm just helping ya.” Jean plopped yet another munchkin in his mouth. “No need to get upset, you’ll get it eventually.”_

_“Quit eating my shit, dickhead,” Eren threatened, snatching the bag from Jean’s greedy icing covered fingers. Jean shrugged it off and began to start drinking the coffee again._

_“That too.” Eren slid the cup to his side, leaving the poor boy with nothing._

_Huffing and admitting defeat, Jean rested his head on his arms and watched Eren do his homework. The drowsiness of the school morning was beginning to take a toll on him. He let his eyes slowly close after a few minutes. Feeling content with the low murmur of the library and Eren’s pencil sketchings, he began to snore lowly._

_‘He was probably doing research and work all night,’ Eren concluded upon hearing Jean.‘He really needs to stop doing that and give himself a break once in a while.’ Jean did, in fact, need a long nap. His eyes were always half-lidded and his hair was becoming more shaggy looking. Sometimes in the middle of a sentence, Jean would suddenly stop talking like he forgot he was saying something._

_Ten minutes passed and Jean was still snoring. Eren finished his homework a few moments ago and checked his phone for the time. They had two minutes before the first bell rang so he took out a piece of paper and kept his pencil out. Writing down a note, he pushed his coffee towards Jean._ Eren _got up, the chair scooting across the rug. He packed up his things and patted Jean's head to wake him up; he was a light sleeper._

_The bell had sounded after Eren walked out of the library. Waking up from the loud sound, Jean saw something in front of him._

**_“Take this, you need it more than I do. -_ Eren _”_**

_“Little Stinker,” Jean grinned and took the coffee in his hands, the wetness making his hands instantly cold. He grabbed the note and tried to stuff it in his pocket, but saw something that was scrawled on the back side as well._

**_“P.S. You annoyed three students and two teachers with your atrocious snoring.”_ **

_Whoops._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry It took forever to crank this one out, schools ending and when that happens, theres a thing called end of year testing.
> 
> Yeah. I fucking hate it.
> 
> Anyways, Im sorry, but there is no character design art this chapter. I'll try my best to get one done for the next chapter though. Thank you all for reading.


	6. Silenced Folks and Stolen Futures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan, dear readers.  
> Also, I recommend listening to THIS SONG when the time comes. It just helps the atmosphere more. https://youtu.be/_zA1OtsvvC4

_ “Eyes open, Jaeger. Don’t make me say it again,” the teacher whipped her head back to the sleepy teen. _

_ Eren was quickly ripped out of his sleepy stupor. _

_ Right. School. Classes. Strict and shitty morning teachers. Boring lessons nobody will ever bother to use in the future. _

_ Her classroom was small, posters lining the walls about how math could be ‘fun’. Some of the windows were cracked open, letting in a cool, dewy morning breeze waft into the room full of fed up kids.  _

_ Eren begrudgingly opened his eyes and harshly cradled his head in his hand, trying to keep himself awake. He felt a little stirred up from her calling him out, but decided not to say an apology. He wished he kept the coffee for himself, he was the one that paid for the damn thing! Eren then furrowed his brows at the teacher, mad at himself for not thinking of doing that sooner, but her head was turned to the whiteboard, writing out some stupid equation. He quickly got irritated by the continuous squeaking of the marker. _

_ He remembered Armin also shared this class. It was a Junior algebra class, Eren was one of the couple of Seniors that had to retake it due to unsatisfactory grades on the finals. In all honesty, he felt that Mrs. Janzo was just bad at teaching, plain and simple. Must've been a miracle someone even married her with how strict and ugly she was. _

_ When Eren regained his focus, she was writing absolute gibberish on the board. Maybe he should ask Armin to tutor him after school sometime. Eren was sure the little nerd would be happy to help, considering Armin thought math was ‘fun’. He never thought math and fun should be in the same sentence, but if it got his grades up and he could pass the class and get rid of Mrs. Janzo for good, by all means, he would do anything. _

_ Sure, he’s thought about saying fuck it and cheating, using an online source to instantly get his answers, but that left him without the gratification of answering a problem correctly all on his own. Plus, when testing time would rear its ugly head around the corner, he’d be helpless. Eren wanted to give Mrs. Janzo a smug grin when he aced the upcoming test; he could practically see her wretched, wrinkly frown whilst grading his paper. _

_ That was all counting on if he still had the will to do it when the studying actually began. He believed he could, but that was him talking now, when he wasn’t doing anything and was zoning out again and staring out of the window. Eren felt a hesitant tap on his shoulder and his heart rate immediately spiked. He slowly turned his head and thanked all the gods that it wasn’t the teacher who was about to yell at him once again for dozing off. Armin smiled and nodded toward the board. _

**_Stay focused._ **

_ Eren sighed after smiling back to his friend. This will surely be the longest period of the day. _

_ ………. _

_ “And then she gagged when he put on the presentation! Honestly, they’re starting to piss me off with how much they’re trying to fake wanting to be a doctor. It’s kind of insulting to the rest of us who actually are trying to get work done,” Jean rattled on during Advisory. Advisory was a 30 minute study period where anyone could go to the gym, the lunch room or stay in their respective classes to get caught up on work or just take a breather. Eren, Jean, and Armin were seated in the lunchroom, away from where everyone else was. They liked to have a quiet atmosphere to hold their conversations and study when they needed to. _

_ “That sounds really fucking annoying. Do you know who it is?” Eren was currently writing down some equations upon Armin’s request. The test wasn’t going to ace itself! _

_ “No. I don’t pay that much attention to them, only when they’re spewing bullshit is when I finally notice that they’re even here. Sometimes they even skip class. You know the blonde bimbos that congregate in each class?” Eren nodded, looking up from his paper, a small smile forming on his lips at Jean’s curses. “Yeah. Those.” _

_ “That’s really got to suck. I do hope they won’t stay like that for long and you can get your work done in peace,” Armin replied. He was a quiet person who kept to himself, he never really got angry or cursed at someone. He was good to talk to when you just needed to calm down. His frail voice and meaningful words could get anyone to catch their breath and come back to Earth. _

_ “Yeah, me too. With how short his attention span is, it must be very difficult to stay on task when there are cute girls in the room with you.” _

_ “First of all, there’s nothing wrong with my attention span. Second of all, none of those girls are even all that pretty in the first place. I’d rather cut open an obese guy’s nipple than kiss any one of those sluts.” _

_ “You’d enjoy cutting that thing up more than any of us here anyway.” _

_ Jean couldn’t do anything but fume harder. “Seriously, though. The only way I could ever focus is if I deafened myself with my pencil.” _

_ Armin’s eyes widened, “It's that bad?” _

_ “I think I'm not being dramatic enough.” _

_ “Yeah, sure,” Eren rolled his eyes, “If it was Mikasa he'd wallow in each noise or disturbance she made.” _

_ “Be nice,” Mikasa reminded the two, setting her things on the floor before taking a seat next to Jean. He instantly lit up. _

_ “Here we go,” Eren muttered, trying to immerse himself in his paper as fast as he could. _

_ “So Mika,” Jean drawled, “You’re late, but how's your day been so far?” _

_ “We had a substitute. Had to explain what Advisory was, but it's been alright. You?” She asked, setting her laptop down and fishing inside her bag for a quick snack. _

_ “Absolutely perfect,” he sipped Eren’s coffee with sultry. _

_ Mikasa then smiled at Jean, instantly making the boy melt in his seat. She plucked a chip from the bag she pulled out, offering one to Jean, who greedily took it from her.  _

_ “Go make out somewhere else,” Eren hissed from the opposite side of the table. He couldn’t focus when Jean was flirting. It was a sad and gross sight to see. _

_ Jean's face contorted into a look of happiness and angriness, but Armin stopped him before he could say anything.  _

_ “Remember to cross out any numbers that can be simplified. It'll be easier to get the end result, that 12 on the top can be reduced down to 3 with the 4 that’s on the bottom.” _

_ “Right. Yes, thank you,” he scratched them out. Only a 3 and 8 remained on the top while nothing was on the bottom. He quickly did the math in his head and wrote down and circled the answer, looking at all the work he had to do for the end result of a measly small number. Eren looked up and saw that everyone was intently looking at his paper, causing him to hide it with his hands. _

_ “Do you mind?” _

_ “Not at all,” Jean said, “because you got the answer correct.” _

_ “Oh..” Eren looked through his work again, earning a pat on the back from Armin.  _

_ “Good job, Eren! I knew you could do it.” _

_ Eren couldn’t help but smile, maybe it wasn't going to be so bad after all. “Thank you, Armin.” He felt so proud of himself when he got the answers right. If he felt this good when getting one problem correct, math could kinda be f-. _

_ No. _

_ “Uhhh Hellllooo? Forgetting someone?” Jean flicked Eren's forehead. He instantly swatted the unwanted fingers away with a grimace. _

_ “Nope. Don't think I am.” _

_ “Be nice, Eren,” Mikasa said with a monotone voice like it’s been on repeat for days. _

_ “I love you, Jean,” Eren rolled his eyes. _

_ “Not that nice.”  _

_ Jean started to cough and laugh. _

_ “Fuckin-” _

_ “Language.” _

_ Eren slammed his head on the table, giving out a strangled cry. Someone was snickering, but he couldn’t tell if it was Jean or Mikasa. Mikasa surely had a stick up her ass today. _

_ Soft music started to play shortly afterward, causing Eren to remove his head from the table and look up. Armin had placed his phone face down on the table, playing music so Mikasa could read on her laptop, Eren could study his problems, and he could write his paper that was due soon. Jean, of course, wasn’t doing anything beneficial to himself. Eren thought about stealing his coffee back, but his eyes immediately widened when his ears picked up the familiar tune, straining to hear the lyrics with the loud chatter of the cafeteria. _

_ “ _ **_Got a call from an old friend we used to be real close._ **

**_Said he couldn't go on the American way._ **

**_Closed the shop, sold the house, bought a ticket to the West Coast._ **

**_Now he gives them a stand-up routine in L.A.”_ **

_ Eren was absentmindedly tapping his pencil on his paper to the beat of the song, humming along and forgetting all about the test he was trying to study for. He didn’t know at the time that everyone's eyes were secretly trained on him, trying to hear him as the cafeteria only grew louder as Advisory was nearing its end. Eren remembered that his mother and he used to sing this song together when he was younger, it never failed to put a smile on his face when she would boop his nose at the end of it. He felt like she lived by that tune, the lyrics describing them in a way. Now that he was thinking about it, it sounds kind of stupid, doesn’t it? _

**_“I don't need you to worry for me ‘cause I'm alright._ **

**_I don’t want you to tell me it's time to come home._ **

**_I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life._ **

**_Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone.”_ **

_ “Eren?” _

**_“I never said you had to offer me a second chance.”_ **

_ “Mh?” He was pulled out of a dreamy trance, “Huh?” _

**_“I never said I was a victim of circumstance.”_ **

_ “You're crying,” Mikasa’s eyes fully left her screen and raised her hand, pointing to his face where there was indeed tears welling up in his eyes. _

**_“I still belong,_ **

_ “Forgot to blink.” _

**_“don’t get me wrong.”_ **

_ “How the fuck do you forget to blink,” Jean butted in, brother mode initiating.  _

**_“And you can speak your mind, but not on my time.”_ **

_ The music eventually got too low for anyone to hear as Armin turned it down, obviously figuring out an interrogation was about to commence. He started to pack his things, keeping an eye on Eren. _

_ “I’m fine guys, really. That song just brought some memories to mind is all. Quit treating me like a baby,” Eren huffed, stuffing his notebook in his bag along with his pencil and calculator. _

_ Before anyone could reply to Eren’s blatant lie the bell sounded, signaling the end of the rest period. Everyone started leaving the cafeteria to their respective classes, while Lunch A, the first group that ate lunch, began lining up.  _

_ “Whaddya say? Eat mystery meat or a bucket of grease down the street?” Jean questioned, getting up from his seat and wrapping his arm around Eren while Mikasa and Armin made their to class, dodging students in the large crowd. The two waved the others goodbye. _

_ “Here is fine. We can get sandwiches, they're the safest option.” _

_ “Atta boy. It's also healthier,” Jean poked his stomach, “Swiss rolls aren't gonna make you any sexier, you know.” _

_ Eren laughed. “Afraid so. I mean, look at me and look at you. Before swiss rolls,” Eren pointed to his friend, “after swiss rolls,” he then gestured to himself. “Get the picture?” _

_ “Tch. Yeah, that you're a total fatass.” _

_ “I prefer the term ‘selective eating that makes you sexier’.” _

_ “That doesn’t roll off the tongue at all.” _

_ “What did you have in mind, smartass?” _

_ “Picky Pillsbury.” _

_ “What….?” _

_ “You know, the doughboy? That’s you. Only shorter and he can cook better.” _

_ “I can cook.” _

_ “Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and putting macaroni cups in the microwave isn't considered cooking, Eren.” _

_ Eren began to open his mouth, but Jean cut him short. _

_ “Ramen noodles don't count either.” _

_ “Fuckin-” _

_ “Language.” _

_ Huh. Deja vu… _

_ Jean and Eren quickly got their food and sat back down to where they were seated before, their stuff still on the floor. Eren kicked his book bag closer into the table before sitting down again. _

_ “Sooo…,” Jean drawled, “ready for Military Monday after lunch?” _

_ “Don’t fuckin’ start. Let me eat my sandwich in peace,” Eren angrily bit into his sandwich, dreading the next hour. Military Mondays were the definition of Hell, he didn’t know how the school got away with putting kids through tedious labor and rigorous exercises like that. Fuck, one kid puked up blood and it was deemed as an ‘excuse to sit out for the day.’ Fuck the coaches, they sat on their fat asses during the period, watching as the kids just suffer.  _

_ “Maybe if you didn’t eat all those swiss rolls you wouldn’t have a problem.” _

_ “You and I both know swiss rolls have nothing to do with it. Anyone would be shit-tired after the first 10 minutes.”  _

_ Jean just shrugged his arms and drank his coffee. _

_ Eren quickly snatched it from his lips and took a huge gulp before setting the empty cup back on the table. _

_ “Rude.” _

_ “I’m the one who paid for it.” _

_ Jean rolled his eyes at Eren’s angry antics. He blamed it on the morning drowsiness of a miserable Monday. Yeah. That had to be it. _

_ “So you and Mika are getting close.” _

_ “She shared her food with me, Eren! That’s gotta be a big step, I feel like I’m getting closer. Maybe if I start acting like an annoying brother to you, she’ll see something in me.” _

_ “You think so?” _

_ “Totally.” _

_ “Good luck, Lover Boy.” _

_ Jean nodded eagerly, taking quick swallows from his juice since Eren stole the last of the coffee he was saving up right before P.E. _

_ Connie placed his tray right by Jean, smiling. “Hey, losers,” the usual, friendly greeting. “What’s up?” _

_ “Not much. I was just making fun of Eren.” _

_ “Favorite pastime.” _

_ “You know it.” _

_ “Hey, actually, I think I have a way to miss P.E without getting in trouble this time. You in?” Connie set his elbows on the table, staring intently at Eren.  _

_ “Uh…..Depends?” _

_ “Right, well, I was thinking about faking an in-” _

_ “The nurse will see through your lies, Connie,” Jean huffed, “Just man up and do a little 45-minute workout you scrawny little shits. It’s not that bad.” _

_ “Just because you are ripped like hell doesn’t mean that we are too.” _

_ “Then maybe you should get on that. I’ve got a monthly plan, Dundee. It works.” _

_ Connie ignored the ongoing conversation between the two, slowly eating his food and trying his hardest not to think about what’s to come. _

_ Kids shouldn’t be scared shitless about some P.E class. It was a sad sight to see.  _

_ Before the three knew it, the bell rang, signaling that lunch was over and they all hurried to grab their stuff and dump their trays. Slowly but surely, they trudged their way down the crowded hall to their next class.  _

_ “You ready, Connie?” Eren’s mouth was full of saliva, giving him a horrible, churning feeling in his stomach. His head started to throb. Cmon, not now….. _

_ “No,” Connie gave out a shivery sigh. His grip on his bag strap hardened. _

_ “One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. I see a couple of babies who won’t open the P.E door,” Jean started to walk faster, slinging the door open. _

_ Eren walked in first, Jean following after. Nobody was here yet, the lunchroom was close to the locker rooms. They had time to prepare. Walking to the last set of lockers, the two set their stuff down and began to undress.  _

_ “Hey, Connie?” _

_ No answer. _

_ A few seconds passed. _

_ “Connie?” Eren walked out, clad in just his boxers. _

_ “Where is he?” Jean asked, following suit. _

_ “Did he even walk in?” _

_ “Yeah, I felt him brush past me before the door shut.” _

_ They wove between the seats and the aisles of lockers, not finding anyone. _

_ “Where is everyone?” Eren growled under his breath, deeming the space empty after three minutes. _

_ “Hell if I know. The bell is about to ring. Is everyone really that scared of Military Monday?” _

_ Their breath stopped as the toll of the intercom sounded. _

**_“Attention Shiganshina High. We will be initiating a lockdown due to intruders. Stay in your classrooms until further notice. All doors will be locked. Again, don’t move from where you are. Intr-”_ ** _ The speaker was cut short as something clattered to the floor. Grotesque screaming ensued, making the boys’ faces twist with terror. Pleas of mercy echoed throughout the school, making Eren’s skin crawl, drawing in a shuddering breath. A sickly squelching noise could be heard from under the blood-curdling cries of the principal, making their ears ring and almost bleed. The locker room was too small, any noise echoed horribly. Putting your hands on your ears didn’t help - it just made it worse.  _ **_“Stop! Stop please stop stop s-”_ ** _ The microphone went out with a final crack. _

_ Death. _

_ Silence. _

_ After a few moments, Jean finally looked at his friend in the eyes. Eren was crying. Jean couldn’t blame him. Ears rang. Hearts were shattered. Breaths were ragged. Acid climbed up Jean’s throat. _

_ The quiet hurt worse than the screams of their prior principal.  _

_ “Eren…..?” _

_ Sobs began to wrack the boy’s body. “Did…...Did we just…..Did we just…” _

_ “Did we just hear someone get mauled to death? Are we going to die too? Is that why nobody is here? Is everyone dead? What’s going on? We’re locked in here. No way out. We can’t get out. We are sitting ducks. All of us is going to d-” _

_ Something clattered in the locker room, making the boys flinch and stand stiff. No. Nobody was in there. They looked. Nobody. Nobody was in here. It was just them. _

_ “You said you felt something brush past you….” _

_ Jean gulped. “I did.” _

_ “We’re going to fucking die. We are going to die. We are going to die in the men’s locker room. Naked.” _

_ “Eren- Eren- Eren- I need you- Eren. I need you to calm down. Look at me, Eren.” _

_ Eren didn’t want to look. He kept his hands clamped to his face, grabbing and scrunching at his skin, trying to peel it off. If he didn’t have eyes, he couldn’t see him or his friend die. If he didn’t have ears, he couldn’t hear him or his friend die. If he didn’t have a mouth, he couldn’t scream.  _

_ If he killed himself, nobody else could take his life. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/20 blaze it motherfrickers  
> Sorry that took forever! It might take even longer for the next chapter, EOCs starting after my spring break. Fun, right?
> 
> It's starting to come together, huh? Either one or two chapters full of this flashback and then.......Eren and Levi's fated meeting in real time? 
> 
> And sorry again, no character art this chapter :[ been swamped with fat review packets. I might just have someone else draw them, I'm not sure.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo?? Do you think this has potential?? I sure hope so! I have many things planned for this story, so I hope you all stick around for what's next!


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